The OHAFC 2nd XI enjoyed their long-awaited end of season celebratory dinner on Saturday night, Bunga Bunga in Battersea once more hosting the evening’s frivolities, although this year’s event was rather more subdued than normal for obvious reasons.

Fifteen OHAFC players were in attendance and were treated to the usual Bunga fare of mixed antipasti to start, followed by excellent metre-long pizzas and some nondescript pudding. All washed down with red and white wine, carefully selected from the Bunga cellars by the excellent masked sommelier, and shots of Duppy Share rum, equally carefully selected by Jack Orr-Ewing.

Once the tables had been cleared, post-dinner presentations could commence, beginning with a slideshow featuring a selection of match photos from the season as well as some more personal moments, carefully collated from public archives by OHAFC media guru David Lederman. An immediate changing of everyone’s facebook security options was suggested to avoid a repeat occurring next season, Will Payne’s photo albums proving a veritable treasure trove of content.

Skipper Geoff Taunton-Collins then took centre stage to deliver the awards ceremony, although this year it began on rather a sad note, with recognition of Jack Orr-Ewing’s retirement. Earlier in the evening the big centre-half, who is one of only a dozen players to have made over 100 appearances since stats began for the 2009/10 season, took great delight in telling everyone just how relaxed he has been in fatherhood. This undoubtedly begs the question why the boots are being hung up, although an entry in the Donkey Moment of the Year category that featured later in the evening may provide a clue.

Regardless, Jack has been a stoic member of the club for a number of years and the thought of the three OHAFC sides lining up on a Saturday without an Orr-Ewing present is indeed cause for regret.

Alexi Pittalis was then named Defender of the Year, having performed superbly both at the back and in defensive midfield throughout the campaign. Alexi must be hoping a new category of Most Headers Won is introduced for next year, such is the aerial dominance he displays in every game.

But the evening really belonged to Andres Hutchinson, who then scooped the Attacker of the Year, Player of the Year and Player League Table awards, each time offering a rambling speech that failed to match his even longer rambling speech on collecting the Goal of the Season award last season. Andres enjoyed a fine campaign last year and thoroughly deserved the recognition for his efforts.

Max Curry collected this season’s Goal of the Season award for his superb left-foot volley against Merchant Taylors on the Hill, whilst Donkey Moment of the Season was announced as Edmund Massey’s calamitous goalkeeping mistake in the final moments of the Old Boys Cup tie against Old Minchendenians that cost the Blues a 4-3 defeat. Sadly, Edmund wasn’t in attendance, so his acceptance speech was given by runner-up David Lederman, who collected a number of mentions, all for different moments: throwing a strop because he couldn’t find the number ten shirt, passing the ball straight out of play from kick-off in the first game of the season and allowing the ball to roll straight between his legs when defending the far post at a corner. This final moment actually occurred two seasons ago but still apparently warranted a mention from keeper Charlie Walsh. Walsh should now be studying match reports of the games he plays in with great interest…

Lederman then collected a bona fide award for most assists in the season, sharing the honour with Tristan David, both players having set up nine goals apiece during the season. Tristan was also named Best Newcomer – this was fortunate because his only competitor for the award was Ed Beecham who couldn’t make the dinner. An awkward moment was thankfully avoided when Tristan’s name flashed up on screen as the winner.

And having collected his award – a £3.50 sondico football with the award name scribbled on it indelibly in permanent black marker by the skipper – Tristan was then on his feet once more to perform his newcomers’ initiation song. Some debate surrounded the choice of song, karaoke master Tom Ward then taking the decision to involve everyone in the proceedings when he dialled up Sweet Caroline. Ward and Woolley then took to the stage for a soulful duet, Aqua’s Barbie Girl once more given the full treatment just as it had been a year ago.

By this time, Bunga was getting ready to shut up shop, bringing a (thankfully) premature end to the karaoke. Once again, it had been a fun evening, immaculately organised by the skipper and enjoyed by all. Hopefully, when the squad return to south west London at the end of this season, the karaoke will be able to continue a little while longer…