After many years of loyalty to German manufacturers Adidas, an unfortunate pre-season kerfuffle ('kerfuffulshlossen' in German) has forced the OHAFC 1st & 3rd XI's to turn to the dark side and appoint American giants Nike as their technical equipment advisers for the next three seasons.

The new deal, for an undisclosed sum, comes about after an extraordinary lapse from Adidas, whose efforts at fulfilling a simple order for two new strips for the club left much to be desired.

Tasked with providing new shirts, shorts and socks in navy blue, the German manufacturers, whose clients also include Real Madrid, Manchester United, and the Old Ardinians, decided instead to send sky blue shirts, black shorts and red socks.

1st XI equipment manager Alex Breeden was at a loss to explain quite what had happened, telling ohafc.com: "Byung-shan mao ting song fao chang ting wang." When asked to explain what that meant, he replied: "I can't talk now, I'm off on holiday to Italy for a few months."

Fortunately, before he left he managed to conclude swift contract negotiations with Nike and the new strip arrived on time prior to Saturday's League games.

The new strip, a simple all-navy design with white trim down the sleeves, enjoyed a fruitful debut, with the 1s earning a hard-fought point at Cholms whilst the 3s produced a superb display to beat Shirburnians 3-0.

3s manager Chuka Ilogu was effusive in his praise of the new Nike shirts, despite being unable to put one on. "I've always said, as a squad we've got a few players who have 'filled out a bit' down the years and we need a strip that allows a full range of bodily movements - even if we've had McNuggets for breakfast. I haven't been able to quite get this one on today but next week I'll have a few McNuggets less or maybe just a Sausage and Egg McMuffin and give it another go."

Meanwhile, 2s skipper Geoff Taunton-Collins explained why his side had pooh-poohed the notion of a kit change: "We decided a while ago that if we wanted to be successful we had to make sacrifices and that means no McNuggets or McMuffins prior to a game. We don't need any 4XL shirts over here thankyou very much".

When pressed for details of what his side, who currently sit bottom of Division Two with no points from two games, do eat for their pre-match meal, he simply smiled, ran his fingers through his jet-black mane of hair and quipped: "McAvocado and poached McEggs".

What a McIdiot.